Dead Brain
by whiteoutmyheart
Summary: Riddik keeps on with his life, hating the necromongers with everything he is, but Kyra lives on to, and she can't even remember his name. Story of how he deals with that and himself.


I could write a story about what happened and how it should've gone. I could do that to myself and make it a constant reminder of how I let you down. Create a whole story of us and myself, how I died for you more than once. How I let you go because that was what was best for you. You were only fifteen, my god, and you were ready to give it all up for me. Me of all people, the one who held his hand over your mouth to suffocate you. No life was always better than mine. No way in hell I'd let them take you in their cold arms. An embrace of pure fire that made everything else right in the world. They saved what was left of your life. To bad they had to erase me in order to do it.

_I sat outside your house all night, do you know what that did to me. No you can't know. I don't exit to you. You could pass by me on the street and you won't remember the way I looked when I torn them apart for hurting you, you'll never remember how you laughed and touched my bloodstained hands. But I'll remember it; I'll remember every inch of you. Why couldn't they have killed my brain like they killed yours? I mean you weren't that hurt, you could've lived like you wanted, I would've helped you. You open your front door and through a bottle in the trash can, you have on a pair of jeans and black tank tops. Hair in your face. I held your head back and forced you to look at me by that hair. I made you look at him on the ground, how you didn't slit him exactly like I taught you to. Before I left, I didn't leave you helpless; I let you learn everything I had. The rest was left for you, you screwed up, now look at you. Did they even leave you with your name?_

Sometimes I lay here at night and I can sense you beside me, here to tell me you remember after all. That they didn't take me away. But I never get what I want. They made you forget what pain you had and gave you a reason to live, the reason to hurt the people the way they hurt you. I think maybe that's why you let them do it. You could fight, that's why they didn't force you. No, you thought I was dead, and now that's what you are. Dead. It was a beautiful scar on you neck. I almost killed them all for saying that, it was beautiful, beautifully ugly; I could every have you back because of that scar. He threw your body into that wall, broke you into a million pieces and spread you over Furia.

You claimed you'd always been there. You were wrong, how could you have been there, you didn't see me freezing to death in those ice caves, you didn't see how I slit my wrist one night for you, because you couldn't ever find me or this would happen. No one was supposed to tell you were I was, but people always slip up. Now I have to be here for you. I have to put you in positions to see if you're still everything you were.

_I broke into your house. The house the made for you, it wasn't you at all. Roses, were they just trying to mess you up even more? Your clothes were all things they would were, not your style. I didn't pledge to protect a clone of them; I swore I'd protect you. Somewhere in your dead mind you had to still be there. I wash my face in your sink; I dry my skin with your towel. I'd give anything to touch you again. Everything won't ever be the way I need it. I've lost too much, and I guess they'll keep taking until they take my soul. You unlock your door and I throw myself out your window. You didn't see me. If you were anywhere in you, you'd recognize the way I smell, you'd feel the presence of someone else there. But you don't. I should just take that as an answer, but I won't. I peel myself off the ground and crawl away. Disappear for another night, another week. I'm sick of being your dark angel. The one who takes care of you. I don't even know you anymore. Why'd they have to do it, you were better off dead._

I run through the crowded streets, arms spread, screaming your name, trying to find something I lost. I just want to run away from the memories of you. Excess weight to the ton that pulling me under the top of insanity. Can you make a crazy man insane? These eyes are not your own, these hands stuck with needles are not yours. Is this how they thought I'd react, is this how strong I really am. One stupid girl, making me give up everything. Some one to my right screams, a man calms her in a soothing voice. They don't even know the meaning of hurt. Hurt is finding you again and then having you ripped away. Pain is breaking each and every knuckle because you know that_ you _won't ever get mad enough to break yours. Knowing they took that part away from you, the part that knew how to fight, the part that could kill one man twice your size with a soup cup. That's pain. Because that was the part I feel in love with. Not this shell of what was once you walking around. I'd give anything to really see the ground I'm running on, but I'll never see it again because you were the one who saw for me. Now I have to see things for you, the way you'd see them if you were yourself.

_Another night, watching you turn of your lights, watching you walk around your house. Some part of you thinks it's not really what you had, but that's at the back of your mind. You're confused because the made you to not think things like that. If they'd let you, you'd remember me, I know you would. I go in the same way I always do, I smell you right away, why'd they let you keep everything that could torture me? Why'd they even keep you here? I walk into your room, and you sleep on still. I touch your face, and you pull away. You frown in your sleep; maybe you remember the feel of my finger tips. I don't know how you put up with it. Everything striking a memory that doesn't seem like yours. I want to pull you out of that bed and hold you, pull you back to me. Am I cursed? Outside the dawn is breaking, you'll be going to work, a boring job, for a normal person. You're not normal though, you've seen more blood than many people your age. You've seen people like me hold you down with a shiv to your neck. I never thought I'd say this but I hate you this way. I could put enough pressure on your neck until the bruises cut deeper than the words you said to me did. _

I don't know you, get away from me, you said. That was the one hitch they forgot to tell me about. The way you wouldn't remember me at all. What kind of people forget to tell you that. They said it'd best if I left you alone, it'd be easier for you to go on and forget about everything. How could you possibly for get about me, the ship and those monsters. But you did, you went right on living. You were perfect. Perfectly normal. I killed one of them. I haven't been back sense. I bled, I killed, but I never cried. I couldn't cry for a person who didn't even know my name. Couldn't cry for a figment of my imagination. Some one who was dead? Seeing you now, seeing the one I use to know, the one who taught me a thing or two about how to keep blood from drying. In the midst of it all, you stood there, I don't know why, I was trying to run, I didn't want to see you. I pushed you down and kept my hand over your mouth, stop breathing, die like me, they already killed you. Stop struggling; you know I'm saving you. You take my free hand and break the bones; you kick at my knee, pushing it inward, like I taught you. For a split second the void in you eyes is full. For a second after the crossover, I saw you again. I let you go; you scrambled to your feet, running as fast as you could away from me. I silently say I'm sorry for the bruises.

_You've been out all night, you have no friends, you're probably at the hospital getting checked. I went there after I saw you in you again. They cowered away from me, all scared, all running away like beaten dogs. That's what they were, I could've killed everyone there, but they knew the most about you. Why'd you have to let them take you? Somewhere in side you didn't you know I was coming back. You left me on that planet, burning, a stranger saved me. All I thought was I had to get you. I could let them take away the only thing that mattered. I asked if you were with me. I wasn't strong enough to save you. I struggled to lift you up. They said you were perfect simply because you weren't yourself. You come home, unlock your door, I follow you in before it closes. You wash your face off for the day, looking into the mirror, the water beads down your neck. I can't feel anything but the way you felt in my arms, limp, dead to the world. _

If I have to take another hit today I'll die. Everything I do I do for you. I wish you could see this. I held you down, you were a threat. I never knew who you'd go for. But one thing was for sure, they would get back up again. You had a childhood obsession, you loved what I was more than you loved me, but I always wanted it the other way. I left so maybe you'd feel enough pain to admit that to yourself. I looked up at me with those eyes; you broke every bone in your body learning from me. You killed yourself everyday, just to become me. Then with one decision all your life was erased, I can't imagine what you thought when you woke up. Try as they might, they couldn't just recreate love and admiration like ours. In the slam before you, someone said everything I ever have I will lose. All that's behind my eyes is black. I think that hurts worse.

_You pulled yourself out of your door this morning, you looked right at me and walked on, were do you go, do you still have the place in the back of your mind that tells you what to do. How did it feel when you found the scar running down your back? They probably told you it was from surgery, well it wasn't. It was from my shiv, my hand. You'll never remember that. I got lost in the streets on this black city. I cried for you until I couldn't see, until my head feel back and my eyes only saw the sky. You said you'd be get away if you could. You'd leave me, because you didn't care. I made you not care; I burnt that rule in the back of your mind. You kissed my eyes once, one night we could only afford one hotel room. You cried yourself to sleep. I never wanted you to hurt that bad. Forget what I never was to you, and all that's left of you is all in my head. _


End file.
